The Crucible of the Unwed Father

Irresponsible. Selfish. Deserters. Cads. Deadbeats.

These are but a few of the epithets commonly used to vilify unwed fathers. It is true that some unwed fathers fail to come through for their children, and that some never wanted to be fathers. However, it is also true that many unwed fathers fight desperately to remain a part of their children's lives, only to be thwarted by selfish or vengeful ex-girlfriends, and by family courts which see men as wallets first and parents last.

The image of the uncaring unwed father began to change late last year due to the heroics of David Chick, the now world famous 36 year-old Englishman who risked his life by launching a traffic stopping, six day, one man protest atop a 150 foot high crane near the Tower Bridge in London. Chick, who was protesting the English courts' refusal to enforce his visitation rights to his little daughter, dressed as Spiderman because he is the two year-old's favorite comic book character. He said:

"[My daughter] is the most precious thing in my world. I was there for the scans when she was still in the womb, I was there for her birth. I fed her, bathed her, got up in the night with her, cuddled her when she cried. Now I'm just another statistic--another dad who has no part in his daughter's life. For me, it is a living bereavement."

Reginald Brass and Alvin Thomas have spent years in the trenches helping unwed fathers connect and reconnect with their children. Their organization, My Child Says Daddy, works with unwed and teenage fathers in Los Angeles. Joe Cordell of the father friendly family law firm Cordell &Cordell is the author of Civil War: A Dad's Guide to Divorce.

To learn more about the difficulties faced by loving fathers, including unwed fathers, see Glenn's columns: In Defense of Spiderman (Cybercast News Service, 11/11/03), Many Divorced Dads Struggle to Remain in Their Children's Lives (Long Beach Times, 6/5/03), Convicted Murderess Can Get Custody but Decent Fathers Can't (Houston Chronicle, 9/19/03), and Pennsylvania Abortion Case Raises Question of Choice for Men (Newsday, 8/7/02). The last column was co-authored by Dianna Thompson of the National Family Justice Association (NFJA).